I have a negative feeling. If I have to react to it, what that means is that I'm not in control of myself or my life. If I cannot sit with sadness, and I have to turn to dopamine to make it go away, that means that if I am sad, I will engage in this action. A leads to B. And this is what we've seen with sort of behavioral patterns of addiction, is that the brain or body or human doesn't know an alternative. And what that means is that your feelings will dictate your actions. And if your feelings dictate your actions, then your feelings will dictate your life. And this is why we have a mental health crisis. Because we have way too many people in the world whose feelings determine their actions, and their actions determine their destiny. It's not easy, but it's simple. All it takes is to separate your action from your feelings. How do we do that? So if you look around you, and there is something that is not clean, and you sort of think about why isn't it clean, it's because you didn't feel like cleaning it in that moment. You're like, ah, let's take care of it later. I'll take out the trash tomorrow. I'll do this, I'll do this. It's something I'm very guilty of, so it's close to home for me. The big mistake that we make is we try to get separation from feelings and actions for big things. How do I survive this breakup? Don't start swimming in the middle of the ocean. Start in the kiddie pool. Start by cleaning. Notice within yourself, holy crap, I don't feel like doing this. Go ahead and do it anyway. You guys are like, how do I start? Just start with cleaning. Not just clean up your room for the sake of cleaning your room. Notice the internal drive when you don't feel like doing something, and then run contrary to it. That is how you are going to be doing push-ups for your frontal lobes, and taking control, decreasing the size of the connection between what you feel and how you act. That's the really important training that you need to do, because what happens every time you give in to an emotion and you act when you feel a certain way is it strengthens the connection between your emotional circuit and your behavioral circuit. We need to weaken that connection out to separate those two things.That passage captures a profound truth about emotional self-regulation and behavioral conditioning. It’s essentially a practical guide for strengthening executive control — the ability of the prefrontal cortex (our “decision-maker”) to override automatic emotional responses generated by the limbic system (our “feeling center”).
Here’s a breakdown and a practical way to apply it:
🧠 The Core Idea
If your feelings dictate your actions, then your actions — and ultimately your life — are being run by transient emotional states rather than conscious intention.
Every time you react impulsively (“I feel bad → I distract myself → I feel better temporarily”), you reinforce a neural pathway that says: emotion = action.
Over time, this becomes automatic — the mechanism behind addiction, procrastination, and emotional reactivity.
💪 The “Frontal Lobe Workout”
The speaker’s analogy of “doing push-ups for your frontal lobes” is spot-on.
You can literally train your brain to weaken that automatic emotion-to-action link.
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Start Small (Kiddie Pool Training):
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Notice small urges: “I don’t feel like cleaning,” “I don’t feel like replying,” “I don’t feel like moving.”
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Act against the emotion — do the thing anyway.
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Each time you do, you’re building “psychological muscle.”
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Use Mundane Tasks as Practice:
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Cleaning, making the bed, washing dishes — these are perfect “training reps.”
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The goal isn’t the clean space — it’s learning to act independently of emotion.
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Pause → Observe → Choose:
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When emotion arises, pause before acting.
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Name what you feel: “This is sadness.” “This is boredom.”
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Then ask: “What action aligns with who I want to be right now?”
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Act based on that — not the feeling itself.
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⚙️ What’s Actually Happening in the Brain
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The amygdala fires an emotional impulse.
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Normally, the prefrontal cortex regulates that impulse, deciding whether to act or not.
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When we continually give in, the emotional circuit gets stronger and the prefrontal control weaker.
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By practicing restraint — not repression, but mindful separation — you literally rewire your brain toward self-control and emotional balance.
🌱 Over Time
This kind of practice leads to:
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More mental clarity and less reactivity
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Greater freedom from compulsions (dopamine loops, emotional eating, scrolling, etc.)
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The ability to sit with discomfort — the foundation of emotional resilience
Would you like me to outline a daily practice (like a mini training plan) that helps you systematically build that separation between emotion and action — starting with something simple like cleaning or mindfulness habits?
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