Reflexive verbs in the passato prossimo

 With reflexive verbs, we always use verb "essere" to form the past. Noi ci siamo sposati, ma loro si sono lasciati. (We got married, but they broke up.) explain

Great observation—this is a key rule in Italian grammar. Let’s break it down clearly:

🔑 Rule: Reflexive verbs in the passato prossimo

• Reflexive verbs always take essere as the auxiliary verb, never avere.

• The structure is: [subject] + [reflexive pronoun] + [essere] + [past participle]

🧩 Example 1: Noi ci siamo sposati

• Noi = subject (we)

• ci = reflexive pronoun (ourselves)

• siamo = auxiliary verb essere (we are)

• sposati = past participle of sposarsi (to get married), agreeing in gender/number with the subject

👉 Literally: We married ourselves → idiomatically: We got married.

🧩 Example 2: Loro si sono lasciati

• Loro = subject (they)

• si = reflexive pronoun (themselves/each other)

• sono = auxiliary verb essere (they are)

• lasciati = past participle of lasciarsi (to leave each other, to break up), agreeing with loro

👉 Literally: They left each other → idiomatically: They broke up.

⚖️ Why essere and not avere?

• Reflexive verbs describe an action that the subject does to itself (or to each other, in plural).

• In Italian, this automatically triggers essere as the auxiliary.

• That’s why you see:

  • mi sono svegliato (I woke up)

  • ti sei lavata (you washed yourself)

  • ci siamo divertiti (we had fun)

📌 Agreement rule

With essere, the past participle must agree in gender and number with the subject:

• Noi ci siamo sposati (masculine/mixed group)

• Noi ci siamo sposate (all female group)

• Loro si sono lasciati (masculine/mixed group)

• Loro si sono lasciate (all female group)

✅ So your sentence is perfectly correct: Noi ci siamo sposati, ma loro si sono lasciati. It follows the reflexive rule, uses essere, and shows agreement.

Would you like me to build you a reference table of common reflexive verbs in the passato prossimo (with masculine/feminine forms side by side), so you can use it as a quick study guide?

yes

Perfect 👍 Let’s build a reference table you can use as a quick study guide for reflexive verbs in the passato prossimo. I’ll include masculine/feminine forms so you can see the agreement clearly.

📘 Reflexive Verbs in the Passato Prossimo

Infinitive (Reflexive)	Meaning	1st Person Singular	2nd Person Singular	3rd Person Singular	1st Person Plural	2nd Person Plural	3rd Person Plural
svegliarsi	to wake up	mi sono svegliato/a	ti sei svegliato/a	si è svegliato/a	ci siamo svegliati/e	vi siete svegliati/e	si sono svegliati/e
lavarsi	to wash oneself	mi sono lavato/a	ti sei lavato/a	si è lavato/a	ci siamo lavati/e	vi siete lavati/e	si sono lavati/e
vestirsi	to get dressed	mi sono vestito/a	ti sei vestito/a	si è vestito/a	ci siamo vestiti/e	vi siete vestiti/e	si sono vestiti/e
divertirsi	to have fun	mi sono divertito/a	ti sei divertito/a	si è divertito/a	ci siamo divertiti/e	vi siete divertiti/e	si sono divertiti/e
sposarsi	to get married	mi sono sposato/a	ti sei sposato/a	si è sposato/a	ci siamo sposati/e	vi siete sposati/e	si sono sposati/e
lasciarsi	to break up / leave each other	mi sono lasciato/a	ti sei lasciato/a	si è lasciato/a	ci siamo lasciati/e	vi siete lasciati/e	si sono lasciati/e

🔎 Key Notes

• Auxiliary: Always essere.

• Agreement: Past participle agrees with subject in gender and number.

• Plural reflexives often imply reciprocal actions (e.g., ci siamo sposati = we married each other).

✅ With this table, you can plug in any reflexive verb and instantly see how to form it in the passato prossimo.

Would you like me to also make a mini table of the most common reciprocal reflexives (verbs that usually mean “each other,” like vedersi, scriversi, abbracciarsi)? That would complement this one nicely.

what about verbi modali

Excellent question—verbi modali (potere, dovere, volere) behave a little differently in the passato prossimo, especially when combined with reflexive verbs. Let’s untangle this step by step:

🔑 General Rule for Verbi Modali

• Modal verbs (potere, dovere, volere) normally use avere as the auxiliary in the passato prossimo:

  • Ho potuto (I was able to)

  • Hai dovuto (you had to)

  • Ha voluto (he/she wanted)

• BUT when a modal verb is followed by another verb, the auxiliary can change depending on that second verb.

🧩 Case 1: Modal + Non-Reflexive Verb

• If the main verb takes essere (like andare), the modal construction also takes essere:

  • Sono potuto andare (I was able to go)

  • Siamo voluti uscire (We wanted to go out)

• If the main verb takes avere, the modal construction takes avere:

  • Ho dovuto studiare (I had to study)

  • Abbiamo voluto mangiare (We wanted to eat)

🧩 Case 2: Modal + Reflexive Verb

Here’s where it gets interesting. Reflexive verbs always use essere, so the modal construction must also use essere.

• Mi sono dovuto svegliare presto (I had to wake up early)

• Ci siamo voluti sposare (We wanted to get married)

• Si sono potuti divertire (They were able to have fun)

👉 Notice:

• The reflexive pronoun (mi, ti, si, ci, vi) comes before the auxiliary.

• The past participle agrees in gender and number with the subject:

  • Mi sono dovuta svegliare (female speaker)

  • Ci siamo volute sposare (all-female group)

📌 Agreement Rule with Modals

• If the modal verb is used with a reflexive or an intransitive verb that requires essere, the past participle of the modal agrees with the subject:

  • Lui è potuto uscire

  • Lei è potuta uscire

  • Loro sono dovuti uscire

  • Loro sono dovute uscire

✅ Summary Table

Structure	Example	Translation
Modal + verb with avere	Ho dovuto studiare	I had to study
Modal + verb with essere	Sono voluto andare	I wanted to go
Modal + reflexive verb	Mi sono dovuto svegliare	I had to wake up
Modal + reflexive verb (feminine)	Mi sono dovuta svegliare	I (female) had to wake up

So, when you combine modals + reflexives, you always end up with essere as the auxiliary, plus agreement rules.

The options

• Beginnings

  1. Giulia e Chiara

  2. Carlo e Giacomo

• Endings

  3. si sono sposati da poco.

  4. si sono conosciute ieri.

Step 1: Look at the subjects

• Giulia e Chiara → two women → feminine plural

• Carlo e Giacomo → two men → masculine plural

Step 2: Match with the correct participle agreement

• sposati → masculine plural (or mixed group)

• conosciute → feminine plural

✅ Correct matches

• Giulia e Chiara si sono conosciute ieri. (Giulia and Chiara met each other yesterday.)

• Carlo e Giacomo si sono sposati da poco. (Carlo and Giacomo got married recently.)

🔎 Why this works

• Reflexive verbs (conoscersi, sposarsi) → always use essere.

• Past participle must agree in gender and number with the subject:

  • conosciute → feminine plural (Giulia + Chiara)

  • sposati → masculine plural (Carlo + Giacomo)

Would you like me to expand this into a mini reference chart showing how conoscersi and sposarsi change in passato prossimo for all persons (io, tu, lui/lei, noi, voi, loro) with both masculine and feminine forms? That way you’d have a reusable template for any reflexive verb.

Giovanni e Sergio si sono messi insieme. Giovanni and Sergio became a couple.explain

Great example—this sentence shows how reflexive verbs can also express reciprocal actions (things people do to each other). Let’s unpack it:

🔑 Structure

• Giovanni e Sergio = subject (two men → masculine plural)

• si = reflexive pronoun, here meaning each other

• sono = auxiliary verb essere (because it’s reflexive)

• messi = past participle of mettersi (to put oneself), agreeing in gender/number with the subject

• insieme = “together”

👉 Literally: Giovanni and Sergio put themselves together. 👉 Idiomatic meaning: Giovanni and Sergio became a couple.

🧩 Why messi?

• With essere, the past participle must agree with the subject:

  • Giovanni e Sergio → masculine plural → messi

  • If it were Giovanna e Chiara, it would be messe.

📌 Reflexive vs Reciprocal

• Reflexive: the subject acts on itself (mi lavo = I wash myself).

• Reciprocal: the action is mutual between two or more people (ci siamo abbracciati = we hugged each other).

Here, mettersi insieme is a reciprocal idiom meaning “to start a romantic relationship.”

✅ Other Examples

• Marco e Lucia si sono messi insieme l’anno scorso. (Marco and Lucia became a couple last year.)

• Dopo tanti anni, si sono lasciati. (After many years, they broke up.)

So your sentence is perfectly correct: Giovanni e Sergio si sono messi insieme = Giovanni and Sergio became a couple.

Puer Aeternus Cycle

Puer Aeternus | Healthy Gamer

https://youtu.be/2Z3RcXlNaMw?si=mv6rsUfDuSop5uhM

 Puer Aeternus, a Latin term translating to “eternal boy,” refers to a man who seems stuck in their adolescent phase. They have big dreams, and are capable of great things. But, they often get in their own way, failing to fully rise to their potential and achieve a meaningful life. Above all, they fear the loss of potential, worried of making the wrong choice and wasting their time. However, in doing so, they paradoxically waste more time, and struggle to make real progress.

The sleepy, undisciplined, long-legged youth who merely hands around, his mind wandering indiscriminately, so that sometimes one feels inclined to pour a bucket of cold water over his head.

— Marie-Louise von Franz

The Problem of the Puer Aeternus

A Failure to Constellate

Puer Aeterni are not lazy. They can perform incredible feats and work intensely, but once they hit an obstacle that forces them to do the drab, dreary work required for great achievements (e.g. debugging code to create a game) they'll give up until the next project comes along that sparks their flame, and repeat the cycle. In their wake lie countless unfinished projects that fail to constellate into a greater whole.

"In Symbols of Transformation, Jung spoke of one cure—work—and having said that he hesitated for just a minute and thought, ‘Is this really as simple as all that? Is that just the one cure? Can I put it that way?’ But work is the one disagreeable word which no puer aeternus likes to hear, and Jung came to the conclusion that it was the right answer."

— Marie-Louise von Franz

The Problem of the Puer Aeternus

The Puer Aeternus Cycle

Common Challenges

If I start something, I want to be sure that it will turn out well.

If I start something, I want to be sure that it will turn out well.

Wanting to choose “the right thing” is a core part of the Puer Aeternus’s struggle. But clinging to endless possibility hinders real progress. The truth is: there will always be obstacles. The key is in learning to overcome them. There is no perfect path, there is only your path.

To move past this paralysis of action, you’ll need to:

• Build tolerance for uncertainty and imperfection

• Create structure that supports action (not just willpower)

• Learn to allow room for mistakes, and find healthy ways to move past them.

This fear often stems from perfectionism or lack of confidence. For more support, check out our Confidence Resource Pack.

What if I choose the wrong college major, career, or project to focus on and just waste my time?

What if I choose the wrong college major, career, or project to focus on and just waste my time?

Not knowing what to do is scary, but you also waste time by not choosing. To escape the Puer Aeternus Trap, you have to sacrifice the potentials that keep you paralyzed.

Letting go of perfection, trying things before you feel ready, and learning through doing are key. If you need help figuring out what fits, coaching can help you explore, commit, and adapt without getting stuck in fear.

HG Coaches can help you:

• create a plan to try new things;

• find what you like, and;

• commit to a path so you can start making real progress.

Start your journey

If my circumstances were better, I’d achieve so much more.

If my circumstances were better, I’d achieve so much more.

It’s tempting to believe that with the right circumstances, you’d finally live up to your potential. But waiting for the perfect circumstances can delay action forever. All paths come with constraints. Life is ultimately about having the discipline and motivation to act, even when the circumstances aren’t perfect.

To move forward, try:

• focusing on what’s within your control,

• taking small steps in the face of real limitations, and

• redefining success on your own terms.

HG Coaching can help you stay grounded and make progress, even when your situation isn’t ideal.

Learn more

I was gifted, top of my class, got good grades, but now I do nothing but daydream.

I was gifted, top of my class, got good grades, but now I do nothing but daydream.

When success comes easy early in life, it can be hard to develop the discipline needed to succeed later in life. Daydreaming feels safe, even meaningful. However, it ultimately keeps you from confronting real limits and using effort towards improving your circumstance.

To move forward, you’ll need to rebuild your drive from within, not just chasing achievement, but creating purpose.

To learn more about purpose, you can explore our FREE Life Purpose Primer.

I have big dreams, but can’t stick to one project and follow through.

I have big dreams, but can’t stick to one project and follow through.

You’re full of potential, but without direction and commitment, potential can become a trap. Chasing the new, exciting project may feel productive, but in reality it leads to a trail of unfinished work and growing frustration.

To solve this, you need to narrow your focus and learn to tolerate the boredom that will inevitably arise. Train your mind to follow through, even after the initial excitement of a new project fades.

If you need help doing this, HG Coaching can provide the support and accountability to actually follow through.

Learn more

I’m afraid of trying in real life. I’m drawn to video games because I can’t fail there.

I’m afraid of trying in real life. I’m drawn to video games because I can’t fail there.

In video games, you always get another chance. You can always start over, and eventually you can win. It’s important to understand that, though you can’t respawn IRL, life is pretty similar. You can always choose a better path for yourself, and take action towards real progress. Real life often feels heavier, because real effort means real risks. But if you stay in safety mode your entire life, it prevents you from growing.

To change this, you’ll need to build tolerance for failure, create safe challenges, and start seeing real-life effort as meaningful—even if it’s not as predictable as a game.

Coaching can help you translate the strengths you use in games, like resilience and strategy, to your goals.

Start your journey