Ellen Vrana, "E" is for elephant
964 Votes by Daniel Super, Nicholas Tomlin, David Lawson, and 961 more.
I’m way too fucking important to let anyone make me hate them. You are too.
Hate is a miserable, tiring, trying, debilitating thing. It will cripple your mind and ruin your potential.
I try not to hate. But I do get angry at people. This is how I deal with it. I call it The Drilldown Method.
I ask myself why I am angry at this person. Then I ask myself why that is the case. Then again. And again…
I keep drilling down until I get to the most fundamental driver of my anger.
Usually has something to do with how this person is making me feel, not related to who they actually are. I get angry because I’m protecting something about myself that is weak or underdeveloped. I’m afraid.
Always start with your fears (this guy knew what he was talking about.)
If I address my fear and fix it, then who cares about hating someone? Not me. Not worth it.
Here is an example:
Let’s say I’m mad at someone on Quora for writing bad things about me. I might get really angry and that might lead to hate.
Commence Drill Down:
I ask myself, Why am I angry at this person or even hate them? Because they are being a jerk. But why does that bother me? Because they are judging me for no reason. But why does that bother me? Because they think what I write is crap. But why does that bother me? Because…what if they are right?!
Oh my goodness, I’m insecure and this trigged my insecurity, and THAT is what I need to get over. Because if I’m not insecure, then I would see such comments and the person who wrote them as thoughtful advice (or bullshit.) But not as someone worth hating. Certainly not.
Hate is a miserable, tiring, trying, debilitating thing. It will cripple your mind and ruin your potential.
I try not to hate. But I do get angry at people. This is how I deal with it. I call it The Drilldown Method.
I ask myself why I am angry at this person. Then I ask myself why that is the case. Then again. And again…
I keep drilling down until I get to the most fundamental driver of my anger.
Usually has something to do with how this person is making me feel, not related to who they actually are. I get angry because I’m protecting something about myself that is weak or underdeveloped. I’m afraid.
If I address my fear and fix it, then who cares about hating someone? Not me. Not worth it.
Here is an example:
Let’s say I’m mad at someone on Quora for writing bad things about me. I might get really angry and that might lead to hate.
Commence Drill Down:
I ask myself, Why am I angry at this person or even hate them? Because they are being a jerk. But why does that bother me? Because they are judging me for no reason. But why does that bother me? Because they think what I write is crap. But why does that bother me? Because…what if they are right?!
Oh my goodness, I’m insecure and this trigged my insecurity, and THAT is what I need to get over. Because if I’m not insecure, then I would see such comments and the person who wrote them as thoughtful advice (or bullshit.) But not as someone worth hating. Certainly not.
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